7.18.2015

love you forever

I have always loved my son, don't get me wrong. But the newborn stage was just really hard for me. I'm not sure if it was leftover hormones from pregnancy or brand new hormones from breastfeeding or just pure sleep deprivation or plain ole' postpartum depression. Or maybe I'm just not a newborn person like so many people are. But for whatever reason, the first several months were tough. Although I loved Porter dearly, I didn't love that he cried. A lot. And I didn't love that he didn't sleep. Not even a little. But it all got better. And it's true what they say. You love your kids more and more each and every day. Even if you never thought that could be possible. Even if you didn't think you could love them any deeper. The love keeps growing. And the best part? They love you right back.

This season right now ... this age that Porter is at ... it is absolutely everything. Not only do I know that Porter loves me, but he can actually show me and (almost) tell me. I mean, the kisses! The hugs! The smiles and giggles! I can't get enough. Not to mention, just hearing his little voice say "mama" can make any crummy day allll better. When we have get-togethers with family and friends, Porter's favorite thing to do is to point to me and say "mama, mama" over and over (just enough times to annoy our guests, I'm sure) like he's so proud to know me, like he's proud to have me.

Spending all day, every day with this kid is so special. People ask me all the time if I get tired of it. Ha! YES. There are tough moments. There are rough days. But like I've said before, then they go to sleep. And you have a moment to breathe. And to think. And you remember what a blessing it is to be with them, no matter how tiring it might be. If you have never read the book Love You Forever ... it's a good one. This book sums up motherhood so well. Yes, your kids drive you absolutely bonkers. And I've learned that it's totally okay to admit that. Yes, there are tough times as a mom. But you always go to your kids. You always hug and kiss them. And you always, always love them.

Every night, after saying goodnight to daddy and Sherman, Porter and I pile up blankets on the floor of his room and read books together before I put him in his crib. And it never fails, every single night after I put him in his crib, he reaches out for me one last time. I scoop him back out and hold him tight against my body. I ask him if he wants me to sing him a song and he always nods his head yes. I sing Jesus Loves Me while rocking him slowly back and forth. He keeps both of his little arms tight around my neck, while twirling my hair with his chubby little fingers. I tell him I love him for the 874th time that day and kiss him and I lay him back in his crib, where he curls up on his belly and drifts off to sleep.

I know I'm an emotional pregnant woman right now, but I was thinking last night about how much I take these little moments for granted. Today it feels like he'll be wrapping his little arms around me forever. But tomorrow he could stop. And one day he will no longer kiss me on the lips or need me to sing Jesus Loves Me before bedtime. One day he won't need his mama like he needs me today. And one day will be the last day that I pick my baby boy up to hold him. I honestly can't imagine life without picking up Porter a hundred times a day, whether my chiropractor approves of it or not. :) I can't imagine life without his chubby little toddler legs running around the house or his itty bitty voice trying to spit out big ole' adult words. I know every new stage is wonderful, but I just kind of want to freeze time right now. And keep Porter my little boy forever. 

So this is just a little post to remind myself to take it all in. To put down the phone and leave the dirty clothes in the hamper for an extra day or two. To kiss him and hug him and tell him I love him every single chance that I get.

Because these are the days.
And they go by way too fast.