breathing into a paper bag

This little picture was taken on 11.08.13 ... when Porter was just four weeks old. Four little weeks!
Since then I have left Porter with Dan a few times while I run with Sherman. And there was that one time that I left for two hours to get a massage with my mom and sister. And I ran out to Target another time while Porter's lala watched him. He was sleeping. And I still checked on him twice.

Minus those hours ... it's been me and Porter. Nursing, rocking, feeding, burping, playing, sleeping, laughing, crying. We've spent thousands of hours together already and very few apart. 

And now I'm getting ready to leave him for four nights and five days. 
And guys ... I am freaking out. 

So this is where I need at least one mom out there to say ...
It's okay. Tell me it's harder on me than it is on him. Tell me that I'm not a horrible mom and that he won't even know I'm gone. Tell me that he will remember me when I get back. That we'll just be able to pick up right where we left off. Tell me that this break will be good for me. Tell me you've left your baby for a little bit and survived?

Until I hear from you ... I'll be right here. 
Breathing into a paper bag.


  1. I don't think I'll be your only mom but I'll be your first!! :) To say - you are absolutely NOT a horrible mom!! You are a good mom for giving yourself a break. You are an amazing mama (we can all tell) and deserve a little time away to recharge. IT IS GOOD FOR YOU TIFF!! Trust me, I've done it and it's great. It's good for parents and for the kids. I promise you. I know it's tough but hang in there and know that Porter loves you very much and this one hurt him one bit! xoxox

    1. also, that picture is so beautiful!

  2. I am not a mom, but as one of the people who has the hionor of babysitting those sweet babies I know you're doing a great thing! A happy and energized and relaxed mama equals a happy baby! Also, I promise whoever you're leaving your son with deeply loves him and is going to cherish that time with him! Enjoy.

  3. It's very hard that first time, but it will be harder on you than on him, & of course he'll remember you when you return. It is a great thing to have some time to look after yourself- you'll come back refreshed & more in love with him than ever.
    Enjoy your little break x

  4. Enjoy yourself! We just left our baby for the first time. It was bittersweet and way harder on me than I'm sure it was on him. Enjoy the time regrouping, relaxing, doing whatever you plan to do. I can promise you this....you will be SO READY to kiss those little cheeks when you get back. Oh, and you may even have a little cry or two while you are gone :)

  5. You are probably back now - but not a horrible mom - its SOOOOOOOOOOOO important and totally good to get away and take care of yourself!!! I shoudl have done it more!

    Hope you have a wonderful time!! And I am glad I can get to your blog again! :)

  6. It will probably be (or probably was) the hardest 5 days of your life. Luckily, Porter and you will both survive. And when you have him back in your arms it will feel like the first time you held him all over again.

  7. So glad someone else struggles with these thoughts! (Sorry, but I am!) I actually quit my job bc I have way too much anxiety about leaving Jack... I should have seen this coming bc I suffered from terrible anxiety leaving Huckleberry when he was a pup, so of course I'd be a wreck when I had to leave my kid!! I haven't really told people (other than family and a few close friends) that I quit. The logical side of me knows Jack would have been okay and adjusted quickly, but I just couldn't do it. Being a momma is some emotional stuff! ;)


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