6.23.2012

not an easy subject

 I started the draft for this little ole' post in blogger almost four months ago.
And then I forgot about it.
Ok, that’s a lie. I didn’t forget about it. But I did try my very best to ignore it.

I’m not exactly sure what my hesitation was. Call me scared, call me insecure, call me beautiful (I kid). But for some reason I never posted it. And then one day I came across a fellow blogger who has oh, I don’t know, about a million and five followers and you know what her post started with?
Divorce.
Her parents were getting a divorce. And she had the guts to talk about it with her million and five readers. So, I decided I should probably try to find some of these guts that she owns. And so yesterday, as I was plowing through my sickness with too much time to think, I brought up my drafted post.
And you know what it started with?
Divorce.
Crap, I thought. I’m going to have to change my post. Why? Because this famous blogger has people. And her people have lawyers. And I didn’t want to get sued.
So, I began to think of other ways I could write “Divorce”. Ha. Come to find out, there is absolutely no other way to write “Divorce”. It’s just that ... Divorce. Period.
So, without further ado ...

Divorce.
Not an easy subject. Not easy at all.
Not an easy thing to deal with. Not for anyone.
But it happens. We all know that it does.
My family consisted of dad, mom, big sis and myself until I was 16. My life changed that year. My parents went their separate ways, my sister went off to college, and I was still trying to figure out who the heck I was and who I wanted to be in this big, crazy world. It was tough.

And maybe someday I will tell you just how tough. But for now, I just want to say that if anyone is dealing with a separation in any way, shape or form, I know ... we know ... that it’s not an easy thing to deal with. It’s not an easy subject. And most importantly, you will get through it.

My family once consisted of four.
Now my family is compiled of amazing step-parents and crazy fun step-siblings.

I miss my home.
I miss the family that I once knew.
There is absolutely no denying that. And I now know that there is no reason to deny it. It’s a fact.
It’s normal and healthy to miss something that you once loved and that no longer is. I miss our home, our land, my bedroom, my dogs (imagine that). I miss the place that we spent so many years and gained so many memories in.

It was tough.
But we are still a family.
Just a little bigger and a little crazier.

And now, I have Dan.
And I have Sherman (love you Sherm!) Ha. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit ... I'm getting a little choked up over here. Not to mention, I have all of Dan’s amazing family members that I now so proudly call my own. And we have our own little home to spend so many years and gain so many memories in.

And that is what really matters.
The present. And the future.
Yes, it was tough. It was hard. But we got through it. And we moved on.
And we remember and we miss, but we look forward to the new.
And we love the new. The amazing and exciting and unpredictable new.

Now, can we please talk about Bridesmaids?
Holy freaking hilarious.
(I'm a tad bit late, I know)

41 comments:

  1. There is only one thing that's sucker than divorce, and that's death. Sadly, I've been through both (my family started at 5, were down to 3). Let's talk about something happy now...

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  2. Thank you for being so brave and talking about this. I'm so happy that you were able to get it out and I feel privileged to have been included.

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  3. My parents divorced when I was 21 and I bawled my eyes out for days. Like not being able to breath bawl. Days. I don't think it matters how old you are, parents getting divorced will always be a hard thing for kids to deal with. I try to keep this in mind when I think of my husband and kids :)

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  4. Wow. Ammon's parents went through a tough divorce when he was 15... he's told me about that time, and how hard it was for him. I can only imagine what you went through, but I am so glad that your family has rebuilt something just as beautiful and fun... just a little different.

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  5. How well I remember. Some tough times. You're still surrounded by a lot of love though. You always will be. And reading the end of this I'm reminded of "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert. All of those things make you the incredible woman you are today!

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  6. Tough post to write, but you are not alone! My parents are also divorced, but i was much yuonger! A lot of good came of my parents divorce and i have yet to post about my parents divorce! Thanks for having the courage to share! Stay tuned for my pose about divorce (someday!)In the mean time, congrats! You are being awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by lil ol' me!

    http://busyasahoneybee.blogspot.com/2012/06/wowie-zowie.html
    -Simone

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  7. I wrote about my personal experiences with this a few months back... divorce is never a happy or easy thing. I'm so sorry for you that you had to go through it. Lots of love!

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  8. That must have been very tough to write but I'm so glad you did. I grew up always thinking of this fairytale of husband and wife and kids living happily together forever and was so embarrassed, sick to my stomach and felt like a complete failure when my first marriage ended in a divorce in my 20s. Trust me I'm happy as can be now that I divorced that guy!!!! But it was hard to live through and I can't imagine living through it as a child, whether you are 6, 16 or 26. Or 36, etc. And Bridesmaids was almost pee in my pants hilarious!

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  9. Thanks for writing about this. My parents got divorced when I was 16 as well. And granted I'm only 18 now.. But it is always hard. Even after the initial shock of it all wears off it is still hard. I'm sure even now with all of your new family it is still hard. It makes me realize it's not something that just goes away but something that shapes your future. Also, bridesmaids is so funny. The plane scene. I die just thinking about it.

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  10. My parents got divorced when I was pregnant with my oldest. It was weird trying to not be stressed out for the baby's sake while some serious crap was going on with my family. I was lucky that I was married and out of the house, but I worried for my sister that was still at home. My kids have never known my parents together and that's sad. Its also sad that at birthday parties they completely ignore each other. Divorce is hard. I know I've done it twice myself and I hope I never do it again.

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  11. I've never had to deal with divorce really (although my parents were divorce mediators, so they had to deal with other people's divorces). I think this post is beautifully written.

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  12. You are a tough chick! It makes me happy to see people talk about things that are so personal and means so much to them. (Maybe happy isn't the right word since we are talking divorce?) er...maybe proud? Proud sounds good! It makes me proud to see people write about these things. Not to be afraid to write what it means to you & the tough times it brought but most of all the happiness that you have now. I'm so happy for you and although you can't change the past, you can shape the future and you are doing a good job at that! xo

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  13. Tiff, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. My parents divorced when I was 5, and I have my own suitcase of issues from it, but I wouldn't wish them or any other issues (like the ones my sister who was 16 at the time has...) on anyone. I once asked Paul (whose parents are still married) what it was like to grow up in a two-parent household... he said he didn't know how to describe it because he didn't know any different. I'd like to tell you it doesn't affect my marriage, but it does. I don't ever want a divorce, but, unfortunately, it does seem like an option to me in the back of my mind (and I honestly don't think it seems like one to Paul). I have to push it as far out of my head as possible, but it's there, and I've wondered if that's because of my parents. I'm sorry. It's always heartbreaking when anything in your past changes, and you realize you can't ever go back to it and have it be the same comfortable thing you know- so I'm terribly sorry that your family changed in this way.

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  14. I can't imagine dealing with that as a teenager...you were tough!

    I just saw Bridesmaids for the first time a couple weekends ago when we got HBO free for a weekend! I laughed my butt off.

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  15. I can't imagine how that must've been to go through that at 16! I think it's great that you're writing about it. I've thankfully never experienced divorce, but so many people have and need to know they're not alone.

    Also, Bridesmaids. Just typing that has me in a fit of hysterics. Best movie ever made!

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  16. Tiff, I hope you know how much this matters..

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  17. i know exactly what you mean. my parents actually got divorced right before i got engaged, so i was planning a wedding through a divorce, not my favorite. its still pretty fresh in my life right now, so i still have a hard time talking about it. but every time i go home its weird, my family is different. my mom and i are still best of friends which is nice, but i'm happy that i still have so much family that loves me.

    also, haven't seen bridesmaids.

    K

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  18. I think that you are SO brave to talk about these things on your blog. I bet that it feels great to let it all out. I just HAD to comment because of what you last said... My friend and I were quoting Bridesmaids ALL day at work last Friday. "Attention: There is a colonial woman on the plane. She is churning butter..." Hilarious!! I die.

    Chelsea

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  19. I think we all have some baggage we deal with and we have suffered from separation in a world where its way too common. I commend you for talking about it and I am sure someone, somewhere, has found comfort in your words! and YES, Bridesmaids is so freaking funny!

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  20. Brave and great post girl. I have never had to personally deal with divorce but I can only imagine the pain. Glad it is in your past now and you gave gained family members!!

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  21. Hi, I'm new to blogging and came across your blog a couple of days ago. I had a wander through it and your photos of Sherman as a puppy melted my heart, how adorable!
    Thank you for finding the guts you were looking for and sharing this post with us, a subject that affects so many, but talked about by few.

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  22. This post made me cry. I miss your family too. However, I know what beautiful new families you have made. I respect you and your sister so much for how gracefully you handled that tough year and how you've continued to handle your "new" reality. Love you Tiff!
    Kate

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  23. I really enjoyed read this!! So relatable for myself and many others I'm sure!! :)

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  24. What an open and honest post. My parents divorced when I was only a baby... I don't know what it is like to have a "normal" family... but I do know that my family is the one I got... and while it is still hard for me to talk about (especially on my blog)... I love my unique, slightly dysfunctional, non-traditional family.... because it is mine!
    xx
    Here&Now

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  25. Thanks for sharing this post! :) You are strong! & I love how you try to look at the positive side of things. I went through a divorce personally, two years ago, not an easy subject to discuss at all. But important to share your thoughts and feelings so other {me} can read them and find comfort in them! thanks lovely!

    xxoo

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  26. I am so glad I read this! My parents are in the middle of a divorce and even though I'm married and out of the nest, it's still hard to imagine the future where my parents have separate lives with different families. Found comfort in this post :)

    p.s. I can watch Bridemaids over and over!

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  27. Divorce is never an easy topic to talk about, but it's reality--I'm sure there isn't a single person that hasn't been impacted by a divorce in some way/shape/form. I'm glad you opened up about it!

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  28. Hey beautiful lady. There - I called you beautiful. Because you are. Divorce totally sucks. I have a shit family story that involves even shittier step-people. But I also have a lovely family story that involves lovely additions to my lovely little family. And now I have my own family nucelus with my hot husband and the amazing babies we plan to make someday. Life is totally what you make of it. You are amazing and so is your family. Buy yourself something nice and sparkly this week. You deserve it because you were sick last week.

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  29. And did you already forget - YOU have a lawyer too!!!

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  30. It's definitely hard and can be a challenge, I know that firsthand myself. And I honestly think the older you are, the harder it is. But I am one of those really RARE individuals who sees her parents divorce as a blessing. Because I know without a shadow of doubt, I would not be the person I am today, and things would probably be a lot different right now in my life if my parents were still together.

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  31. It's so awesome of you to shine the brighter light onto a darker subject. You find the positive. Just because we're bloggers, doesn't mean we have to kill ourselves to write about something. If you aren't ready, then that's okay too. You are very brave! I am inspired.

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  32. divorce is never an easy topic for anyone but unfortunately so many people have to deal with it. and just because another blogger already wrote about her experience why should that scare you from writing about yours! if that was the case then what would any bloggers have to write about? haha. don't worry about that just worry about writing what you feel and being embraced by all of the lovely people in this community :)

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  33. My hubby's family is like that filled with stepparents and step siblings. Mine didn't even get that fr, since my mom never married. I know he too misses and wishes for his original family, even though he does love his crazy complicated family. I love the way you see life Tiff. It's so awesome that you have this wonderful sense of humor and can find laughter even in the pain. BTW I love your pontiac car too. You are being wise by not getting a ridiculous new car and car payment. I am like that too. Why get a new can if the one I have still runs. Sherman my doggies wanted me to welcome you to the world of baby gates. They have them around the house too, because they too are very naughty. They say next time you destroy something just get a little better at hiding the evidence, and make sure to tilt your head and make your eyes bigger. It gets the human every time. lol sorry my post reply is like a small novel, but I needed to catch up on all the posts I've missed. :)

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  34. Thank you so much for opening up and being honest! I think people are scared to be open and honest on their blogs but its important if you are comfortable to talk about real things.
    Thanks

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  35. No, it's not an easy subject. My parents have been doing a strange dance for a couple years now. Maybe I'll blog about it one day. It's tough. Really tough. Sometimes I don't let on how tough and then I'm crying in the car and speeding in a school zone and pulled over by a cop who gives me a $100 speeding ticket. Yeah, that sucked. But we find strength and we move on and we learn to love the new life we have. And the new people in it. And the new feelings. And the weirdness that is still my parents' marriage. So yeah, I feel ya. Thank you for writing this. xoxo

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  36. this is a great post!!
    my parents divorced when i was ten.
    i remember the day they told my sisters and i like the back of my hand.
    this is a CRAZY big secret, but right now my husband and i are separated. it's the hardest thing i have ever gone through. having divorced parents myself i never wanted that for my children. but you know what else i don't want for my children, two parents who don't love each other and only fight. they don't deserve that.
    someone once told me "sometimes two happy houses are better than ONE unhappy house."
    and that is SO true. and i have to remind myself of that every.single.day.

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  37. Way to go, Tiff! I'm just now getting caught up on your blog, I've been out of commish. This was a wonderful post. I'm glad you were inspired and found the courage you needed to write about this topic. Although it is hard and nerve wracking to write about difficult topics it is also honest and relatable and that's what people respond to. I've never been through divorce, my parents were the lucky few that separated for about 6 months then decided they couldn't live without each other. Those 6 months were tough but I know how lucky we are... My husband however, has been through divorce. He was young and it rocked his world. He still deals with its repercussions from time to time. My heart hurts for him because he was so young and I don't think he was given the opportunity to talk about how it was effecting him. But this is about you. You are such a lovely person with an amazing spirit and even though I don't know you, I'm certain about that! ;)

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  38. I can relate to this, on the other end of the spectrum though. As you know, I am divroced. UGH. Raising my son in a broken home. Being an ex-wife. My son has a half brother and a step mom.

    Weird? Yes.

    Comfortable in a way? Totally.

    Time heals and like you, I'm learning to love and embrace my new life. I sometimes dream of how my life would be if I wasn't divorced, but then I;d be missing out on the incredible things I'm learning and doing now. I'm not so sure I'd trade it... ever.

    Marvelous post. Thank you for sharing this Tiffany!

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  39. As someone whose parents divorced as an adult, it's still tough. I definitely miss "home." Unfortunately, I feel like it's a bit worse as an adult. I've been better able to see the flaws and understand much more about my parents than I would have ever preferred.

    Thanks for sharing your story :)

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  40. Interesting blog..Divorce is always a curious situation.Solicitor family law

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